When you have problems in your relationship it can feel like your whole world is crumbling. You feel disconnected emotionally and physically. Old wounds and disagreements get in the way when you do try to connect.
You spend your evenings scrolling through Facebook until one of you falls asleep. In fact, you rarely touch or talk openly anymore. You didn’t sign up for a roommate, you wanted a partner in life and love. Maybe you don’t even want to tell your friends or family what is going on. You are sad, ashamed, and desperate for a change.
You don't want to become another divorce statistic, you want to grow together, not apart. When you picture your relationship in 10 years, you imagine happiness, calm, and connection. Your partner encourages and supports your dreams, and you do the same for them. You have a fulfilling life built upon a foundation of mutual love and understanding.
This blog post explores 4 common reasons that many couples that I see begin therapy. While every couple is unique, it is easy to fall into a few common and unhealthy patterns.
DIFFICULTY COMMUNICATING
Have you and you partner been fighting about the same thing over and over for what seems like years? You feel like your partner isn’t really listening to you. When you do try to talk about your concerns they get defensive and hostile, or they just shut down completely.
We will identify your communication patterns using The Gottman Method, explore how these are negatively affecting your relationship, and figure out what you can do to foster healthier communication, openness, and understanding.
DISCONNECTION
You feel like you are your partner are living on different planets. The more you try to talk and connect, the more they withdraw. Right now you feel hopeless, like maybe your relationship isn’t worth saving. Your passion is gone, and you don’t know how to fix it.
You want to feel that strong bond like when you first got together, sharing quality time and moments of deep care and attention. In therapy, we will work on fostering your bond, and re-building your meaningful connection.
TRUST & INFIDELITY ISSUES
A breach of trust in your relationship is often gut-wrenching and unexpected. You feel violated and start to question everything. You feel like you don’t even know the person sitting next to you.
Therapy individually or as a couple can help you process some of the shame, guilt, and disappointment that arises from infidelity. You can work to re-establish trust and reconnect. In doing so you can make an informed decision about the future of your relationship.
SUBSTANCE USE & ADDICTION
If you or your partner struggles with addiction, or is in recovery from addiction, you face a different set of challenges in your relationship.
As the partner of an addicted person you worry about your partner’s ability to keep it all together. You might even hide your feelings from them, out of fear of setting off a bender or relapse. The addicted partner feels constantly pressured and monitored. They feel scared of what the future holds, worried they might slip up, and that you might leave them.
This dynamic makes it hard for you to connect emotionally or physically. I work with you individually or as a couple to understand addiction. We focus on developing healthier habits and new ways to support each other, with the goal of re-establishing trust and open communication.
In addition to my training as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I hold a Graduate Certificate in Addictions Counseling, making me uniquely qualified to work with couples managing addictIon and substance use.